The Theory of Everything
It’s been over a year since last post here, and I’ve been doing ion-trapping work at Quantinuum (previously Honeywell Quantum Solutions) which I can’t write about here.
I also turned 30.
Hitting the big three-zero, among other concurrent things, made me re-evaluate a lot of what I’m doing in life. In particular, I started more consciously and purposely thinking about three big things:
- The 3 AM Theory: The most open and honest conversations happen at 3 AM: around a campfire, lying awake together, in late-night discord calls…
- The 1-on-1 Friend Theory: To consider someone a close friend, they necessarily need to be a 1-on-1 friend, i.e. someone who you can hang out with outside of a group setting. Note that this doesn’t work in reverse: not all 1-on-1 people are close friends, but all close friends must be 1-on-1-able.
- The Meaning of Life: not much to conclude here, still open-ended
What really tied everything together for me was a recent Offline podcast (by the Pod Save America guy) where in the last 10-15 minutes, the Surgeon General delivers a powerful and succinct message about the meaning of a life well lived. In particular, the last 10-15 minutes encapsulate a lot of what I’ve been thinking about.
In short, Dr. Murphy says that an “intimate moment” (or 3 AM convo in my book) is a conversation in which both sides are open, honest, vulnerable, and capable of expressing and receiving love. Being capable of having these intimate moments defines a close friendship or relationship, and it is the pursuit of these moments that define a meaningful life.
I agree, and after thinking about it some more, I’ve taken it a bit further and developed a full-blown theory of everything [that matters]. I’ve separated out moments and activities into two categories: interpersonal and personal matters. For both categories, activities can either help you grow your life to be rich and fulfilling or calm you down from the inevitable stress that comes with constantly seeking growth. So, there are four categories:
- Interpersonal growth: Having meaningful “intimate moments” with other people, whether they are friends, relatives, partners, or even strangers. It’s easier to grow more with someone closer to you, so seeking out growth via strangers might not be as efficient as growth via a partner.
- Interpersonal relax: Shooting the shit with other people. Doing activities that are not “intimate moments” in and of themselves, but can deepen relationships nonetheless.
- Personal growth: Engaging in some activity that gives some sense of accomplishment and progression. May be through a job, a hobby, or even writing blog posts about personal growth.
- Personal relax: Doing some activity that calms you down. Often a “consumption” hobby rather than a “production” hobby.
Some personal examples for me are: interpersonal growth by flying out to see friends in a 1-on-1 setting, interpersonal relaxing by gaming with a group of friends, personal growth by picking up some sports and thinking about this stuff, and personal relaxing by watching chill shows on Netflix. A very obvious pattern in my life has been ~1 year of full growth-mode (intense desire to socialize with new people, pick up new interests) followed by ~4 years of full relax-mode (getting into a routine with hobbies and friends). Now I realize it’s important to have both…
Not much else to say but that this is at least better than personality tests (Myers-Briggs) and Eastern mysticism (ikigai).